Saturday, April 2, 2011

Tiger's Blood

I'm going to address what has happened since Thursday. I get a call from the Big Producer who had promised me that they loved my script and that I was their guy, yadda, yadda, yadda. Now he tells me that unfortunately, the Big Director they attached is leaving the project due to "creative differences". In other words, this "director" wanted to make changes to MY script and because I didn't share the same vision with him, and he told the producers that either I go or he goes. This is a guy, mind you, whose experience up to now was making commercials in Britain! He knows how to make cars driven by CGI robots look pretty. What does he know about 3 act structure, about character arcs, about rising tension, about saving the damn cat?? But suddenly he's an expert on crafting the most meticulously structured story since the Da Vinci Code?

It gets worse.

Yesterday, I get a call from my manager. The producers have decided to replace me with a Big Writer. A guy known for writing comedies!!! They say that his last several scripts attracted A-list talent to those projects, and in order to get the Big Star and Big Money they are going to let this guy come in and CHANGE MY SCRIPT. Tone it down. Make it more accessible. I'll still get co-writing credit of some kind they say. I told them to go, pardon my French, FUCK THEMSELVES.

I put MY draft of the script online. Google it, you'll find it. Get it while you can. The lawyers for the Big Producer have told me to take it down immediately. Well guess what? Charlie Sheen has inspired me. I suspect I've got Tiger's Blood in my veins too. Time for this Warlock to work his magic.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

The End

I finally typed those two magical words back in October. That's when I finished the first draft of THE SHROUD. I decided not to come here and crow about it, because writing is rewriting. Which is what I've been doing these past several months. NOW I'm done. The script is finally done. And dammit, it's really good. I don't mean that in an egotistical "look at my shit" kind of way. I mean that as a neutral observer of human accomplishment throughout recorded history. Objectively, without a trace of arrogance, I can die happy, knowing that I've created what is quite possibly the best story in the last 50 years. Those 36 basic stories they say all stories are derived from? Well, they're gonna have to create a 37th category.

Now, you may be wondering: What's next? We live in the era of four-quadrant, transmedia, prepackaged, predigested and regurgitated lowest common denominator cheezwiz. How am I gonna sell this unique, amazing and original story to the bean counting suits? Simple. I'm gonna get a kick-ass producer, who will then package it with a kick-ass movie star. I don't want to jinx anything, but my new manager says that Robert Downey Jr. is interested in the role of Matthew, the Vatican bounty hunter who is tasked with tracking down the stolen Shroud of Turin. Ooops, did I just reveal a plot-point? Relax, I didn't spoil anything you won't know before the opening credits are over.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go take a victory lap.

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